Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
