a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
