Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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