A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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