The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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