it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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