Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
