Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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