I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
