i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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