Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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