my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
