mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize