she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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