I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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