I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
