I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
