filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
