I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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