She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
