You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
