when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize