yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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