So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
