Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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