i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
