I feel like abortions should bother me more
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
