Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
