so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
