My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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