Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
