At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
it glows. i had to have it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
