i think my mom watched the whole time
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
