we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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