If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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