Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize