dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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