Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Randomize
