all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
