I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
