I saw his package. It spoke to me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
