Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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