I've blown a few things in my day
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
