we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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