just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
