dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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