If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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