My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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