She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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