Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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