I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
