apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
