dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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