I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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