I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
