Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
