last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
