I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
