I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
