jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
