omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
