There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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