I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
