Ketchup is God's man juice
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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