I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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