I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
