We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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