she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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