Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
