I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
