also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
