Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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