I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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