why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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